Nice people, but this costs too much!

-For What?-

We had need of medical assistance this past week. We were treated well, above and beyond, but I still left the hospital feeling like a big welfare jackass.

Everyone in my family works. I own my own house, my car is paid for and I pay taxes every year. Yet, when I explained that we had no insurance, I was directed to go to the hospital business office and apply for indigent care. They considered us to be poor, needy, impoverished, penniless and destitute, I guess, because that's Merriam-Webster's definition of the word indigent.

We ended up making a payment arrangement, but why is it so much work? Why is there not one formula? Why can't I pay for my x-rays with a pig? I'm thinking about keeping a voodoo queen on retainer for future medical needs. I bet it would be cheaper.